Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
