I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
