never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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