So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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