Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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