she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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