I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
