You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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