i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
