I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
