Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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