I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
