i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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