even my farts smell like vagina
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
