I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
