To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
