dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
