I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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