My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
