when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
