ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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