I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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