No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
