I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
