i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
