i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
