remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
