i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
