Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
