I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
