quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
