Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I intend to get homeless drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
