I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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