I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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