When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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