He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
