this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
