I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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