just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
