I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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