im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
