I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
