margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
