things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
