there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
