pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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