Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
