I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
