I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
