At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
