Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
