He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
