U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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