Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
